Save the Endangered Species
by James E. Winslow
I was watching a special the other night on endangered species. This is a real problem, and we have to deal with it now if our children are to enjoy the world as we know it today. As they were going through the list of endangered species, I happened to think of an animal that really needs to be added.
The animal that I would place on the list of protected species is the Nauga. The placid Nauga is a very gentle animal that is slaughtered in great numbers for only its hide, as no other part of the Nauga is ever used. There were once great herds of Naugas, but they are disappearing just as the great herds of American Buffalo did at the turn of the century.
I can think of no other sight as beautiful as a herd of colorful Naugas peacefully grazing on the polyester plant in the shade of the great plywood forest, yet Naugas are ruthlessly murdered for their hides. Why are they being slaughtered? So some people can show off their affluence. Doctors are especially guilty, as almost all their waiting rooms are appointed with naugahide covered furniture, and then there are people that actually wear and flaunt Naugahide coats.
I have been told by my sources, that have to remain unnamed, that if we were to kill off all of the Naugas, the polyester plants would overrun the plywood forest and choke out the little plywood trees, sometimes called panelings. As you can see, there is a delicate balance of nature, and if it were not for the Naugas eating the pesky polyesters, the great plywood forest would die out, or at least would be stunted. Can you imagine what would happen to our construction industry if we couldn't get full-sized plywood trees to build with. Oh just to look upon the plywood forest with all of the trees lined up parallel with the prevailing winds, the little panelings growing between the thicker plywoods, the little fluffy white polyesters growing low to the ground. It is truly unbelievable.
While I am on the protection of the Naugas, I believe, as many experts do, that the funfur should have a bounty put on its hide. The Nauga herd has only two natural enemies, man and the funfur. How many times have you seen the three corner tear in a Naugahide, which we all know is the mark of a funfur attack. The funfur, like all cats, sharpens its claws on trees; this can be seen many times on paneling as this is the favorite scratching wood.
Please join me in giving generously to save the Naugas and plywood forests of the world. Send your contribution to Save the Naugas, Inc., 4 x 8 Plywood Lane, Washington, D.C.
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